I've realized once again that nobody gets the happily ever after that they dream of. I guess that's because we all just don't know what is best for us.
But the more I think about it I don't even know what my dreams are. I had a bunch of dreams but they all got shot to hell a few years ago. Since then I have my own dreams but none of the things I want to do involve men. Still the thing I want most in the world is to be with the man of my dreams with a house and pets and kids.
I want vacations at the beach and perfect family photos. I want to wake up next to him every morning and cuddle on the couch while we watch the kids play on the floor.
How the hell do I get there? Do I have to accomplish all the things that I want first to deserve my happy ending?
I'm trying to follow the rules that I've heard from friends and they just aren't working. And if there is no guarantee that I'm going to get what I want in the future then why shouldn't I have fun now?
Last night I could see my future, still just out of reach, and I did what I thought was right. Now it seems like what I did just pushed my dreams farther away. Maybe its the pain now to enjoy the pleasure later. Whatever it is just doesn't seem worth it.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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